I’d like to have a word with some of you voters before Election Day. Today, George W. Bush has around a 25% approval rating. In both his elections he got about 50% of the vote. This means about half the people who voted for him no longer like him. If you’re in this group, I’m writing to you. You now understand that you made a mistake. You had two chances to avoid the lesser candidate and both times you got it wrong. Isn’t it time to consider the possibility that you are just not very good at this voting thing?
We all complain about the lousy job our President has done and the mess this country is in. But if you helped put Bush in the Oval Office, you need to accept some responsibility for what he did there. If you give a laptop computer to a monkey, and the monkey smashes it on a rock, it doesn’t make much sense for you to yell at the monkey. Even if the monkey reached out for it. Even if you asked the monkey, “Are you sure you know how to work this?” and he nodded enthusiastically.
I’m not trying to make you feel bad. There’s no point in beating yourself up. The issues of our day are complicated. Voting well is hard. It’s a skill, like anything else. You just don’t have it. And given that, maybe you should sit this next one out.
There’s no shame in being a bad voter. We’re all bad at something. At most things. I stink at gardening, chess, speaking French, and figure skating. Do I feel bad about it? No. I just avoid those activities.
I also stink at basketball. In high school I didn’t even try out for the team. That didn’t mean I lacked school spirit. I liked the team. I went to games and cheered and rooted for them to win. I knew that the best thing I could do to help was to never touch a basketball.
“But,” You may object. “Don’t we all have the right to vote?” Of course we do. We also have the right to sing, but sit at any Karaoke night for a couple hours and tell me if you still think every right should be exercised by every person.
You probably see a lot of ads that say “Vote!” but those aren’t for you. Those ads are only meant for people who know how to vote. Just like Chevy ads are only for people who know how to drive.
Not voting takes no time at all. You can not vote right up until the end of Election Day. Even if you’ve moved recently. Even if your driver’s license has expired. There are many places to not vote so the lines are short.
I’m not saying you can never vote again. If you want to improve and work hard, I’m sure you can. But don’t start with a presidential election. That’s like trying a Rachmaninoff concerto for your first piano lesson. That’s not how it’s done. You start with Chopsticks and work your way up. So it is with voting. Start small. Maybe you and a group of friends can vote over what movie to watch. Did you pick a good one? If so try to pick an alderman or mayor. If your pick gets elected, watch them a few years and see how well you did. If it turns out you voted well, maybe move up to choosing a state legislator. Go slowly.
But for right now, just accept yourself as you are and take a break from voting. Next Tuesday, go straight home from work and watch the returns come in, secure in the knowledge that you did your part to not mess up the outcome. Be proud of yourself for being a good citizen. By not doing it a disservice, you will have done your country a great service.
I’m sure whoever is reading this to you will agree. And they and I and people all over the world offer you in advance our deepest gratitude.